A friend:  Am I interrupting dinner?
Me:  You'll have to call back in 45 minutes for that.

Statute #384:  All invisible personnel must wear reflector strips.

Optical character reading (OCR) software:  Can't live with it; can't read without it. Only slightly more exciting than financial software, inasmuch as it doesn't tell you how much money you don't have.

Pet peeve:  Lack of general ability.

Sue [alphabetically speaking]:   "i is far away from u."

What if he collected money for not being president. Would he go away if he got enough?

Guns don't kill. Bullets do.

Illusion:  Yesterday's reality.

Individualism:  A coincidence. Example: People in the U.S. are known for their individualism, as exemplified by the popularity of fast-food restaurants.

Style:  The individualism of a writer. Two examples from Raymond Chandler:

The blonde was strong with the madness of love or fear, or a mixture of both, or maybe she was just strong.

The Big Sleep

Mr. Grayle stood up and said he was very glad to have met me and that he would go and lie down for a while. He didn't feel very well. He hoped I would excuse him. He was so polite I wanted to carry him out of the room just to show my appreciation.

Farewell, My Lovely

Received another "peace" graphic today (19 Jan. 1997). Yes, it's another signpost of web gullibility, because the last graphic to use would be one going back to a site that benefits commercially by its peaceful message.

Two emails today (16 Jan. 1997) inviting me to the same site. The second one said I needed special help and would see an Audi displayed in 16 colors. Will the excitement of the web ever cease?

Received an email (Jan. 1997) from a "professional cartoonist." He liked my artwork so much that he was willing to let me put his own cartoons on my pages. . . . How terribly exciting . . .

For every dreamer a realist
(Jan. 1997 email:)

"We are showcasing work by up-and-coming graphic designers and computer animators. . . . We are only asking for a modest $49 to cover our processing of your section of the software."

Having "lost" my family, some experiences just aren't mine, but I love a good line, such as in an email from Garðar Jóhann (about holiday gatherings):

The positive thing is that most of the family cannot manage to eat and be boring at the same time.

People in cinema and TV are not miserable, mean, low-life backstabbers; they're actually quite pleasant about it.

A rude reply to a dull person:

I used to think that the most important virtue was being able to laugh at oneself. Then I came across you . . .

Indivisible:  Not capable of division. Example: George, indivisible, failed his math test.

Government:  Byproduct of compulsive liars seeking power and/or money.

Scholar:  Someone who writes an introduction to a novel and gives the plot away.

Late-night conversation:

Sue:  Is your alarm set?
Me:  What do you intend to do?

Redneck:  A person better dead than read.

Writers have soundly and repeatedly denounced the attempts of the Soviet government of the 1930s to shape the direction of music. Whatever. Shostakovich wrote his Fourth Symphony under complete freedom; people don't give much of a damn about it today. His Fifth Symphony was his compliance to government complaints about composers; it has become one of the most popular works of the 20th century. Anyone for simple deductions?